I want, and need to write this to get it off my chest and because at 23 and married I just feel way to old and lame to write an indirect Facebook status towards someone (sarcasm). I don’t care how many people read, who reads it, or why you read it. It’s for me so I can stop carrying these negative feelings around in my body.
A few days ago I shared this blog post (please read for a good laugh, don’t forget peoples comments at the bottom) on Facebook, after a million 23 year old single people and others posted it to their Facebook page. Posting it with comments like: “NO OFFENSE”, “HAHA SO TRUE I LOVE BEING SINGLE”, “SINGLE IS THE WAY TO BE”, “WHO GETS ENGAGED AT 23?!”.
The one that struck me the most was, “no offense”. Oh, no offense? So at one point it crossed your mind that this post might offend someone reading it. Am I right? Maybe that person you thought it would offend was me, maybe it wasn’t. But, considering I had commented on another article you had shared (guess what it was about? oh, young marriage). Yeah, you can say that I thought your “no offense” comment was probably, maybe directed towards me.
The person that said “no offense”, is a friend of a friend, and maybe a couple other friends – and for some reason I’m Facebook friends with her. At no time was I bashing her for her opinion or posting this article. Considering 1 million people posted it that day.
Okay so, I post this article and had about 15 comments, all of them supporting me except one. From the same person that posted the article and said, “no offense”.
“I do hope you know just because I reposted it means I’m bashing, unhappy, jealous, or think marriage is stupid. I don’t, I purely thought it was humorous. If it offended, sorry girl.”
Let’s remember that there were a million people that posted this article on my timeline. Let’s also remember that I never called this person unhappy, jealous or assumed she thinks marriage is stupid. She came up with those theories all on her own, and NO ONE that commented on my post knew where I got the article from. Sensing a feeling of guilt from someone? Me too. You find this humorous? I find it disgusting and embarrassing and a few other things. And yeah, I’ll say it – even though its a stupid post from some girl sitting behind her computer, bored, wanting to see her stats go sky rocketing over her small minded opinions.
I was offended.
Something that maybe only a few of you reading this will understand. Being away from friends and family for months at a time is hard. I have a hard time keeping friends. Mostly because none of them can take the time to send me a simple text message and I get sick of having to do it first, so the “it works both ways”, isn’t cutting it anymore. It doesn’t help we are constantly moving. With that being said, I do have a couple friends that always check in with me, and I’m thankful for that. In the past two years I’ve become sensitive, when I used to be tough as nails. I care about what people think about me. I wonder if people like me. I wonder what people say behind my back. I’m more quiet. I don’t always say what’s on my mind, which used to be the complete opposite. I’m just…different then I used to be. I don’t trust women. Very few. I don’t think the things that have changed about me are bad but it is different. I never cared what people thought about me, what girls liked me, and I’ve had “talking a lot” on ever report card since I was 6.
I assume these things happen to a lot of girls that are in the same situation as me, maybe not. We meet so many people, every season, new girlfriends, some you stay close with, some you never talk to again. Some you’ve never met but talk to through the computer. I seriously talk to more girls I never met in real life, more then some people I thought were my best friends.
So, maybe I’m being sensitive to the fact that I didn’t hear from a lot of my friends over the holidays, or that I’m trying to figure out where I belong, who my friends really are, or that I’m the only one of my few friends that is “young and married” so I find it necessary to stick up for myself.
Back on topic:
This person that posted, “no offense” is also friends with one of my really good girlfriend and another girl that was going to be MOH in our wedding (who I’ve known since I was 7). That night I posted this post I get a text from my friend defending her friend. (did I lose you yet) Okay, so why couldn’t this girl just message me? She had to get someone else involved. I’m obviously rattled that my friend wanted to stick up for her other friend….
“Why would I be offended?”
Newsflash: I’m 23 and married.
I dropped it and let it go.
THEN last night, I lay my head on my pillow and slip into dream land. Actually had an amazing sleep, was probably the 5 glasses of red wine….only to wake up to a text from A DIFFERENT person. Also, defending her friend.
I rubbed my eyes: “Is this real life”.
(nothing like waking up from a nice sleep to a rude ass text message huh?)
I haven’t talked to this second person since I told her Jerry and I weren’t having a wedding anymore. No text to tell me safe travels when I left for Europe, no Happy Thanksgiving, no Merry Christmas. Oh, just one message a month ago when my uncle was in the hospital. I assume her i-messaging was broken.
I want to let you all know that I have been working on this friendship for most of my adult life. Trying to fix it, trying to be friends, trying to understand why we can’t be the same friends we were when we were little – Something my husband has been baffled by since the day I met him but he’s never stopped me from trying. I decided before the New Year that this friendship and many others were going to be at the very bottom of my “shit to care about” list.
But this…..this post….. “23 things to do instead of getting engaged at 23” got my childhood best friend, supposed to be MOH to acknowledge me!!!!!!!! It got her and her friend that “didn’t want me to be offended” to sit down and discuss me, talk about how ridiculous I’am for having an opinion, about a blog post they thought was “silly”. To text me and tell me that “I’m entitled to my opinion” but then be mad about my opinion? Contradicting. Yes. To tell me you’ve “done nothing but support my marriage”? I never thought you didn’t support my marriage but um, how exactly do you support my marriage? And to top it off, you are sorry you couldn’t help me with everything for my wedding because that’s the way the world works?
Back to the off topic subject:
You started drama for me and I’m not even in the same time zone as you. You went out of your way to keep talking about a post that you thought was “silly”. And perhaps, this is why you aren’t 23 and engaged.
While you 2 are sitting talking about me, I’m silently sleeping after a day of worry and stress about my husbands career. When you posted this blog post the other day, I had probably had another long day of stress and worry, because that’s all I’ve done for the last 4 months. But you wouldn’t know that because you don’t check in with me and well one of you isn’t even my friend. You wouldn’t know ANYTHING.
I know, my life probably seems so easy. My husband plays hockey (so he probably makes so much money!!!!!!! wrong). We live in europe (so we like travel the world everyday!!!!!!! wrong). I don’t work (she just lays around all day and drinks wine!!!!!! wrong).
Back on topic:
I realize this is all so stupid, and kind of all over the place. But I needed to get it off my chest, and I thought some people might even feel the same way I do – because I wasn’t the only person offended by someones comments and this article.
Today on my morning walk with Miika I got to thinking….
And, I would like to thank the idiot behind that post for making me realize so many things this morning – I’m serious.
First of all, that it took your idiotic, ridiculous reasoning, to make my “friend” finally send me a text message.
You made me finally realize it’s time to let go of people who don’t deserve room in my heart.
And a million other things,
but mostly that I deserve to be happy.
I shouldn’t have to defend myself.
But I’m not sorry that I posted that blog on my Facebook, or the comments I made.
And because I couldn’t have come up with a better response back to the girl that wrote this blog post myself, I give it up to this girl who did: read this
This felt good.
I’m gonna go finish my husbands pre game meal, and then go out with a girlfriend downtown to laugh & have some lunch.